God is AMAZING

I have struggled so long with the abuse I suffered and more importantly alone.

After sitting at the computer off and on for a few days, writing my journey and the actual events from the abuse. I wanted to hit publish.

But I couldn't I didn't feel ready. I emailed a friend and awaited her phone call to have her pray with me over this, I couldn't find the right words.

But after an hour or so I figured what the hell go for it. Worst case I can delete it and at this point no one knows who I am.

She called I explained what I did, but I was out getting my hair done, so carrying on a conversation about anything would have been ackward.

Later last night I got home and felt this strange tug in my heart to post the link on Fb, at first I was nervous. People would think I posted it for sympathy, which I don't want. Saying I am sorry or feeling bad for me doesn't change anything. Rather I needed uplifting comments and thoughts.

I walked away a few times not ready, but finally decided to post a quick status saying that I was ready to make this shameful part of my life public, and that I could only hope it would help someone else out there.

I did it..... rather fast and quickly walked away thinking "I have done lost my mind, why would I do that". I blocked a few people who were necessary to shield from this. mainly family. I don't need more hurt right now and my intention is not to hurt any of them. But this isn't about them, it's about me. It's about taking my life back and making the enemy quiver.

I sat by the computer for a few moments and watched the numbers on the ticker rise and as of this am. Over 100 people or views I should say. YIKES

As I watched it last night though and no one responded I did sit in fear. Fear of what all these people, friends, and collegues would think.

Not long after I got a text from a good friend telling me her story, then a message on facebook from someone else sharing their story, then two more messages from two more people.

GOD is AMAZING and is helping. He wrapped his arms around me and held me tight, when I did hit publish and updated the link to facebook.

And he is helping these women no longer sit in silence.

I will NEVER share their story that is for them, but I will say I am so blessed they came to me. Not that we share a common bond. Because just like child loss, this is no club you want to be apart of. Your membership never expires and the dues are a life changing, altering sometimes shattering pain, silence and aloneness.

But God held me and he is amazing. I feel like I could shout from the mountains how free I feel.

That is not to say that I am not going to shift from time to time to saddness, guilt, frustration.

I am not sure what else to say other than I feel so blessed right now.