I knew it was a matter of time.......

Digging this stuff usually reaps rewards. In my case its like the friends that I have helped recently by putting this out there. And then..... it also has a price to pay.

Since yeaterday I have been in a funk. Nothing to horrible just an off, and sad mood.

Today it's much worse, verge of tears, saddness and mentally exhausted. Nothing feels right and everything just sucks.

I knew it was a matter of time that I would get this way since opening this part of my life up.

I am happy I did but I also feel sad, and unsure it was right. I just can't really explain it to be honest. I feel so vunerable and exposed I guess.

I can only sit, allow it and ask God to be near and guide me through it. But I am dreading this week. Grief workshop (yay for sad emotions NOT) and then shift (All I can say there is I don't want to go, but I need to for me so I will have to force myself, although I may be the one outside freezing her butt off that won't go in).

It's funny ok maybe not so much. But how something that feels so horrible feels so good to let out and then bam your taken back again...... And it feels so crappy.

I guess like a quote I read today said. "You can't stop the tides but you can learn to surf". In my case, really letting God handle this one.

By the way my husband asked about my upbeat music choice lol. He doesn't understand having such uplifting music on this kinda blog. And to his response and everyone else's. I have a hard enough time having this blog out there publicly. I need to have something on here that reminds me I am not doing this alone. Molestation is hard enough alone.