Last night was dreadful to be honest. I have not celebrated a single new years in 10 years. And the only reason I celebrated that one was because I had just started dating my husband and we just did. Before that I hated New Years.
This is with so much impending stuff surfacing and knowing in a week I will share my story, I couldn't sleep for the life of me.
At one point and I believe it was around 1130ish I just layed in my bed sobbing pratically. My husband had finally drifted off and I couldn't sleep still. I kept recalling all the events in my head.
Then I kept thinking to myself, "And I've forgiven him? Look what he has done to me.". Then I just sobbed to God and told him to please comfort me, to make my head stop. It took awhile but after the ball dropped and 2012 arrived. I turned off the tv and I passed out.
Easier this year? Maybe but also so much harder. I try so hard each year to crawl into bed at an early time, make sure I'm exhausted so I can drift off to sleep fast. This year it was so opposite of that.
Yet, somehow I managed to find a calm peace. My dear, Father resting his hands over me maybe.
Regardless, I am glad it's over. I am going to try to push myself to do something next year.
My resolutions are to, be with friends more, make more time, get closer to God, try to be a more patient mom, and to have fun this next New Years. Maybe that's what I need to further let go ofall this.
Bring it on 2012 I am ready!
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