I've thought of ways to try not to feel so alone in this aspect of my life and I'm still not sure I've found one. But I decided to blog about this part of my life and the new journey I am on.
My mother bounced from relationship to relationship while I was growing up, and one of my step father's decided that being a hardcore alcoholic wouldn't be his only family betrayal. He decided that I owed him more than just being his stepdaughter.
At the tender age of ten the ultimate betrayal began. It was new year's eve 1991. I was ten years old and my life forever changed that very night. Innocence was taken from me and I had to quickly grow up.
My stepfather started to molest me that very night and the minutes, days, weeks, months and years that followed.
After my parent's divorced due to his alcoholism I continued to go to his house for visits because my little sister was 9 years younger than me and I couldn't phantom him hurting her and it was all I could do to protect her.
I spent many sleepless night with one eye open, and watching my every move, making sure the bathroom door was locked behind me.
I spent night's under the covers and awaiting the footsteps down the hall.
Darkness tormented me because it was then I knew he would come out. My mom worked graveyard shifts at the gas station, and he knew it was his chance. And even if she was home at night he knew she would be fast asleep and he could pop out.
I'm not sure why my life took this turn or what could possibly make someone want to hurt someone in this manner let alone a child.
But now here I am after 18 years trying to take my life back.
He didn't just molest me, he rapped my babysitter and my best friend. Although when the time did come and I finally years later spoke out no one was behind me.
He was great at making people afraid of him.
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