Hate this feeling

So tonight I was laying in bed and messing around on the internet when I was suddenly called upstairs. I headed up to hear some loud ass person talking in my kitchen. And not just someone loud but another males voice and when I turned the corner and didn't recognise him, my heart began to pound.

It was my neighbor from next door, and he was drunk. He said he wanted to make sure they weren't making too much noise and all kinds of other crud. Then he hugged me, ok at that moment I wanted to die.

Seriously I have only seen this man once in my life that's it and he was drunk and hugging me. First thing that went through my mind was seriously I'm so glad that my uncle was here with me at this moment because I was so scared something could happen.

It wasn't even a quick hi kinda hug it dragged on. I could feel myself get sick to my stomach and crawling out of my skin.

He was very nice... obnoxious but nice. But the thought of some guy hugging me who I didn't even know I wanted to die and more so because he was drunk and everytime my step dad was drunk I became the object of his desire, affection whatever you want to call it.

I was so uncomfortable to say the least. Not only did he hug we once but he stood so close to me I felt like I would hyperventilate and then proceeded to hug me two more times before I could get him out of my house.

I hate that he knows my husband is always working late. What will happen the day my uncle is no longer staying with us and I'm alone with the kids.

Seriously I need help I cannot stand to be alone in my own home, in fear something can and will happen to me.

I hate the fear I live with daily, that I have to look over my shoulder all the time.

Why must my life be this way? Since when was it ok he took my innocence and childhood and now my innocence of life? I'm not saying I want to be naive and believe nothing will ever happen to me.

But to be 28 and petrified of the dark, being along, of everyman I cross that I don't know.

I hate this feeling.