My four years of hell

I sat and thought about how long the abuse happened and Ive never really done that before at all.

So It started at least from what I remember on New years eve 1991 I was 10.. in fourth grade and then I finally spoke up when I was seventh grade. So for four years this continued to different degrees.

It wasn't all bad some days he would leave me alone. Others it was oral, my towels being ripped off of me or just touching, the night wakings to being rubbed or making comments as I got older about my body changing and how beautiful my body had become. More than not it was just sexual jesters or demands.

The alcohol was horrible though, I know that's why I don't drink. He always reaked of alcohol and I always had to witness his drunk episodes. The one time when I came home from school and the door was locked I knocked forever. I went to the front of the house and the back of the house and nothing. It was cold and I just sat there.
Finally after awhile he emerged out of the hallway. Walking drunk, running into walls.

After I was let in the house he went to the bathroom how he got there Im not sure but he did. And was throwing up. Then he fell I heard him from my room, and Im not sure why I ran to check on him, how sick who does that? But he had blood all over him I was scared for him.

How can he make me care when I knew he was hurting me and I didn't like it? Its pretty disgusting.

I sat and watched him repeatably abuse my mother, pushing her, hitting her. One night he pushed her so hard she hit the glass kitchen table and fell into the glass and couldn't get up. I ran out of the house to get help from a near by neighbor and friend. I stayed there and of course my mom called her house screaming at me for leaving and telling someone.

I never once got an "I'm sorry" for all my mother had put me through. I know she went through a lot I saw it all but she had a choice regardless of how hard it may have been. It wasn't fair for us to stand by and watch him.

I remember one night being abruptly woken up by my mom because he had got into a horrible car accident and hit a light pole and was in serious condition. The conclusion is of course he was so drunk.