The Mirror
When I look into the mirror what do I see?
A girl filled with self hatred and envy. Her very appearance is tattered and worn.
For the life she has lived is nothing to adore.
The glare in her eyes tells a story of hurt, confusion and sadness. Her story has turned her green eyes grey and the walls around her heart have built higher to protect her from all she knows.
When I look at her and then look at me I see a common ground in the stories we share.
One's of hope dashed, dreams shattered, and a heart seeking love and acceptance.
But if people knew the real her they'd run and hide as they have always done.
I look at her hands gentle and true, wanting nothing more than someone to hold her too.
For this mirror tells a story no one wants to hear.
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You are in so much pain.....But please can you step back and look at the mirror at what I see...I see a beautiful young woman that has a heart so big that she will forgo her own time to go and help those in need....It is that need that is going to help you get through this journey....If you stopped helping people now, you would take a big step backwards BUT you cannot leap forward....you have to take baby steps.....You can never forget yourself....You need to MAKE time for yourself...I know that's hard to do because you were never reared to think you were important.....But if you do not love yourself, I promise you, no one else will do that for you.....Love yourself for the person you have grown into today.....That little girl lost her innocence at the hands of a cruel animal....He took away something that no one can give back and that is what is so sad because you are still searching for that little girl to rescue.....That little girl doesn't exist anymore. That little girl is no alive unless you want her to stay alive :) I love you and I am so proud of you. I know this is not easy...But some kind of force is leading you down this journey....I think you should at least try it, see what happens, it could be healing or it could be not be healing!!! I am there with you!
ReplyDeleteTeresa thank you so much for all your saying to me. I do hear you loud and clear and you are right, I do need to love me, I love who I have become I say can that. But yes I do want someone to love me right or wrong who knows.
ReplyDeleteThank you for loving me regardless. And your right I should give this a try and see what happens. Worst case I can quit but then if I quit I can say I tried. at the very least.
I think what I have figured out from all of this today and having Rae infront of me sharing with her stuff I have never shared is that I need and want this more than anything. But some how to get through this process I need to figure out a way to have someone to go to if it gets like it was this week. Not all the time just now and then.
I know I need a container to keep it as example therapy in therapy but I guess I need to learn to suck it up and if I need more to ask for more.
Thank you for being you