Dear Dad

It's me your little girl or I guess not so little girl anymore. Do you even remember me?

It's been over a year since I talked to you last. I even wrote you a letter last summer (08) and never got a response from you.

How do you just walk away? Am I really that horrible? I can't imagine so. In fact I've grown into a pretty darn good woman. I'm a loving mother of 4 amazing boys.
I'm a photographer, childcare provider, charity giver and aspiring psychothearpist. You name it and that's me.

I want to be so much and accomplish so much in my life time. Yet what I really wanted was a mother and father who just really love me. Yet I can't have that and more than anything I want to know why?

Sure your in jail you have been there. But where are the letter's I used to get? the ones that told me how proud of me you were, that said you loved me.

Does it really just end like that? What is it about me that you can't love?

You have 3 stepsons, and two other girls whom you adore and spend the time with. Write to etc but not me. Why? That's all I want to know and I will move on.

I guess after 28 years I should just accept that this is the way it will always be. Broken promises, excuses.

I don't understand and I'm very hurt I never got to be the little girl who's dad gave her away at her wedding, who went to school functions and cheered her on, who sat out side of the delivery room just to see her daughter grow into a woman and mother herself. I never got to be daddy's little girl and I don't get it.


How on earth do you birth children and see life through their eyes for a few years and then decide its not for you.

I understand you both were young but dammit I needed you. I needed more than anything you. To show me what boys were all about, to protect me, to hold me when I needed it, to just say you love me.

I was molested by my stepfather and never in the past 12 years since I met you have you sat and told me you were sorry and that you wished you could have protected me.

It's not your fault it happened and I know that. But had you been there for me maybe this would never have happened. Or maybe I would have had that one person I could have confided in and I would have gone to you. Maybe I would have been living with you and not mom at that time so it would never have happened.

I hate men I really do not a single one of you has shown me that men can be nice, good, decent people. I see the total opposite.

I guess I don't understand how you can walk away the way you have. Did I mean anything to you at all? If so then why did you walk away and never fight for me? Or even since I found you on my own at 15 why have you continued to walk in and out of my life.

Or if you decided that really it was not for you why did you keep coming in and out of my life for years to just walk back out with broken promises?

Why can you love the other kids and not me? Or at least you don't show it the way you show it to them.

I just want for once to be loved and to have a person to call dad. I have a wonderful stepfather who has raised me even though it was not his job. But I always pushed all the other men away in hopes someday you would come back.